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| 05:19pm 29/11/2006 |
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new journal. for my random writing, sometimes real updates, etc.
www.livejournal.com/users/aeiouandswy |
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Wanna dance?? |
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| 10:26am 07/11/2006 |
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Wow. I cannot believe I haven't updated this thing in well over a month! Probably because nobody else ever updates theirs and I don't bother even logging in. I figured an update is in order because my life has changed drastically and I just feel like writing. Well, Jeff Ripley and I broke up about.. hmm month and a half ago? Wow, I can't believe it has been so long. At first I was absolutely devastated. I still was sooo in love with him, and he just didn't think it would work. But, you know, he was pretty much right. We both led completely opposite lives where we could never see each other and that really took a toll on me. Now we still hang out, but rarely, and I still feel sad around him because, ofcourse I still have feelings, but mostly they have gone away. Leeann said it best when she said i was a pimp. Haha i've given my number out quite plenty, and gotten many numbers. met alot of new people. i've really changed. im much more outgoing, im out having fun. life is pretty damn good to be honest. it still felt a little empty. a few nights ago i met this guy named jeff (ha right?) at the movies and we've hung out a couple times and he is just amazing. i wake up in the morning all excited and happy to text and wait for the next time i get to see him again. and after we kissed, pretty much most of my feelings for jeff just sort of went away. not disappeared, just on hiatus. what im trying to say is that, i am definitely going to be ok. not like i can just get over him that quickly but i really like jeff#2 and im not saying it's gonna be anything serious. i really dont know anything about the future. but, yeah he's just a great guy and im glad that i got a chance to see that i have options. i am worth alot and i just wasn't getting that with jeff. he is still absolutely wonderful and im glad we can try to be friends. other than that, my life is the same. same school same job etcetera. but i just feel happy again. my chest used to feel like it was caving in. but i haven't cried in a long time and i don't even really think about jeff that much anymore. im pretty proud of myself for being so strong because this has, no doubt, been the hardest thing i've ever gone through. so yeah i will update more often just for the sake of getting these feelings out of me. |
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| 07:14pm 30/09/2006 |
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who knew it would come to this? who knew it could end so badly. i feel sick to my stomach. im so tired, and lonely. i miss having someone to call my own. that's why I took him back so many times. i don't remember how to be alone. i need someone and I don't know what to do. I wish I could hate him and not feel bad. He makes me sick inside, I really really want to hurt him for hurting me like this. i fucking hate dumb nasty bitches who get in between relationships. honestly, have some fucking dignity. i don't know what to do, oh god. |
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2 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 08:32am 12/09/2006 |
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HAPPY TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO ME AND JEFF
I really can't believe it's been two years. It's amazing how quickly the time can go. I'm so excited that we've made it this far and show no signs of losing it now. I love him so much, he pretty much means more than most people to me. Yay for us. |
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1 Broken hip -Wanna dance?? |
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| 08:21am 05/09/2006 |
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I am so tired.. t-i-r-e-d. curse my generousity! CURSE IT!! haha. i screwed myself over offering to take chance to school. now i have to get up at 7:40 even if i dont have class until 1! but it's good too because i have homework and god knows i would blow it off if i had the chance to sleep in. yesterday was nice i guess. i graded all of my dad's classes' papers and now he's paying me. then I had work which I really did not want to go but it wasn't too bad. Two of my managers asked me to fill out an application to become a cashier so that must mean they need it or will at least really give it thought and that's good to know. a promotion is what i need about now. then it rained right when I had to do carts. it was beautiful. why did this weekend go by so fast? it was so good too. friday and saturday I went over to Jeff's and his family was in Mexico so we got to just go out and get food and watch a movie on his TV in the front room and lay blankets out on the floor and it was really nice. i miss him. i miss being alone with him. we always have to be at one of our houses with families bothering us. well now i'm finished updating this useless piece of shit. over&out |
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| 02:15pm 29/08/2006 |
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Boomer is on my lap purring and it is the most wonderful thing on earth. I think school is pretty awesome. I'm taking 15 credit hours and still working 15+ hours a week and i still have time to do homework and hang out with jeff. Not like I would complain if my dad let me quit, but it's not so bad. A cashier position opened and I'm applying for it today. Not sure I'll get it, but it would be a complete upgrade. Cross your fingers. I am starting to work out again. I make sure I spend all my money on gas and bills and I don't buy fastfood as much as I'd love to. Although I go to Jeff's break every day and bring him lunch, because I just like to do nice things for him. I've done all my homework, and I don't plan on quitting that. I wanna have the highest grades possible for myself. So yes, life is pretty decent and I just can't wait to be a nurse already! |
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1 Broken hip -Wanna dance?? |
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| ex jailbait |
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| 11:31am 24/08/2006 |
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so i'm finally 18. it pretty much feels the same, like i knew it would, but hopefully i see the advantages later. i had a pretty good birthday though. everyone was just really nice to me, my dad took me to buy clothes/shoes and we went out to dinner at UNOS and jeff brought me a rose and his little brother drew me a card. and he's getting me a pedicure which is good because i can't paint nails for shit. the waiter gave us a free cookie cake for my birthday too. it was just a nice night all in all. then i woke up this morning to loud thunder, grey skies, rain, and it was just the best feeling ever. i love waking up to that. i don't have class til 1. and then im done for the day. so yay. i get paid today. SHOPPINGGGGG. haha. anyway later bitches ♥ |
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4 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 10:37pm 21/08/2006 |
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Ahhh i started school today. I really didn't want to but it turned out pretty great. I drive down my street, turn the corner, and i'm at school. about 3 minutes. The class sizes are small. There are TONS of kids from red mountain i knew. i found myself actually TALKING to people and feeling good about it. i got all my textbooks. my teachers are really cool and funny and not intimidating in the least. so think everything will go well there. i still have to go to human nutrition tomorrow night. hopefully that's decent. jeff is doing good at work, getting lots of hours, so that's good. im still getting 15+ hours so im getting steady money plus school. im trying to stay on top of my homework so i don't get stressed on that. i'm also going to start going to the culture center so i can start working out and keeping fit. i'm pretty much seeing college as a great way to reinvent myself. no more shy shit. i mean, yes, ill be shy, but im not going to be a recluse. im not letting myself go. im going to keep up with shit. do homework. be a rich mothafuckin nurse so i can be jeff's sugar mama. haha just kidding. but seriously. anyway i have a dentist's appointment. 2 cavities filled and one cap for a loose filling. it's going to fucking BLOW. and im so angry because i brush my teeth twice a day and i do it well. and my brother NEVER takes care of his teeth and he had no cavities!! goddayumn. anyway im out. |
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2 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 09:55pm 16/08/2006 |
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i think maybe i have ebola.
only kidding. but maybe.
so im obviously back from mexico. it was absolutely perfect though. our condo was beautiful. jeff and i had our own room. huge bed, windows, etc. there was a balcony with big glass doors overlooking the beach and the ocean. i swam in the ocean for my first time. i got knocked over and under water and into the sand by the waves. hurt like hell but i wanted to get out there and ride on the little boards we brought and it was awesome. i bought things in the market, took lots of pictures, and got grabbed by a random mexican man. yuck. the best part was being with jeff's family. with my family, i love them and all, but they are so far from normal. with his family i felt so comfortable and it was nice. especially when, by complete surprise, they threw me a birthday party at a nice restaurant on the last night. the waiter brought out cake, jeff's mom got me presents, and they all sang happy birthday. it was soooo sweet. wow. so i pretty much miss it. and it's disappointing to be back here with work and all. but it's ok. in a way, im pretty excited for school. the check came for my tuition and there's still money left over to help buy my books. im also taking 14 hours and i got rid of 2 whole classes in highschool so im ahead of everybody in earning credits. so i can relax with my classes in the semesters to come. oh oh and i got jeff and james a job at albertsons. and leeann got deedee one. so now the whole crew works there. it's pretty badass haha. not like working there is something to be PROUD of ... but it's fun and the money is decent. i hope to be switching to the hospital eventually.. but i may wait until next semester. what else...i don't really know! oh my birthday is in 6 days. im not excited at all. mexico was my present so im not really getting anything.. and im wayyyyy too lazy to organize a party. i don't really care to anyway. im just happy to be 18 so i can go hang out with friends and jeff without my mom trying to keep me in for absolutely no reason. just a little more freedom :] yesterday jeff fixed my computer so that's really good. i also got 3 pairs of skinny jeans which i've been searching for everywhere. i had some really good wings. and i saw two HUGE cats and it made my night. so that's it for my novel. laterbitches. |
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1 Broken hip -Wanna dance?? |
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| 02:55pm 07/08/2006 |
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yay im so happy. the other night we went and saw talladega nights with me, jeff, james, leeann, meghan, and deedee. i think it was the most amazing night i had all summer. the best part wasn't the movie it was just hanging out and laughing and having a good time. so now we're gonna hang out more often. deedee got a job at albertsons with us, and i got jeff and james both interviews tomorrow which means they pretty much got the job. im done working for EIGHT DAYS!! yes!! mexico on thursday.. courtney after that.. alskjhdlaskjhdlawiuyreo2394h8oweiruhwlekjrh perfection. i want to relive this whole weekend again... minus the working plus the money! haha. |
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| 07:32pm 03/08/2006 |
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i am on a mothafuckin' roll bitches. yesterday was my day off so I got up at 6 and went with my dad to stanfield to set up his classroom (so many awesome photographhy shots out there, can't wait to go back). then that afternoon i went and took my placement tests for MCC and got top scores on all. so i saw an advisor and got registered. i've got english, math, psychology, and human nutrition. it's 14 hours worth which i only need 12 a semester so im on the right track. the earliest i have to go to school is 11! hell yes for sleeping in. then i get out before 2. i have a night class but it only meets once a week at 7 so it all worked out to my advantage not to go to ASU for the first two years. then i found out i could get a scholarship at MCC so i took the english test and i got 100% so now they're paying for all 2 years there! HELL YES. im so excited. i was so worried about money. then it transfers over exactly into the nursing program at ASU to get my B.S.N. so im all set for my life plans haha. jeff's stepmom is also a nurse and said she will get me a job as a nursing assistant for 8$/hr which is a)way better pay than albertsons and b) a step towards my future as a nurse. good experience. then she also called my mom and talked to her about mexico and i'm in the clear!! hell yeah. i've never been out of the country! im soooo excited/happy. and if i get to see courtney that week too, ill pretty much pass out from happiness. although i HATE work with a passion, i couldn't stop smiling thinking about how everything worked out.
ps: i had to sell king crab legs today. i sold a few pounds. they kept fucking poking me! |
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1 Broken hip -Wanna dance?? |
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| 07:28pm 29/07/2006 |
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Everything is so good these days. I really have no idea why. My family is sucking so bad right now and threatening kicking me out (which will never happen) and for some reason I couldn't be happier... ???? Ive been listening to tons more modest mouse. It has been really putting me in a divine mood. It also depresses me in a weird way.. just because i know it will be awhile before they come here again. But when it comes ill be the first with tickets. I've been getting 25+ hours a week and still getting 2 days off every week. well actually lately it's been 30+ hours but i shouldn't jinx it. Next weekend is Mexico with jeff and his family. My parents haven't said yes for sure but i've spoken with them about it and i'm going to make it my birthday present. I paid my dad off for all my bills so im good on that. Oh then at work the osco manager offered me a job in GM which is a big upgrade from courtest clerk. i have to be 18 so he said to see him in 3 weeks. w00t. im moving up! today we got olive garden for lunch at work.. because i dont really know why? for doing such a good job lately since the new company has taken over i suppose. all the guys were like "damn don't eat too much!" haha im such a pig. but im glad cuz otherwise people would think i was anorexic or something. me and leeann and james are hanging out next week. then courtney is supposed to come down right after the mexico trip for a visit. i saw an ASU advisor.. things are set to go for nursing. well i might still go to MCC for the pre requisites to save money.. i will decide on monday. either way im going to college yay. ill be 18 soon.. then less than a month after that, jeff and i will have our 2 year anniversary. so everything is just good now. i don't mind this feeling at all. |
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1 Broken hip -Wanna dance?? |
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| 02:34am 09/07/2006 |
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i shouldn't wait so long in between updates.. i always forget half the shit happening to me. well i guess i could start where one night i saw a picture of a girl with a faux hawk in hairfiles and BAM i decided to cut my hair. i need a refreshing change. and it was scary as fuck. but when you have long hair you can go nowhere but longer.. and more boring. well in my case because my hair is flat and shitty. so i just went and did it. megan's friend sam did and it came out exactly like the picture, except, better because it suits me very well. its awfully short.. and huge hunks of hair got wacked off.. but oh well. you live and learn and it grows back. which.. i may even keep it this way. it can be styled so many different ways. and i can have a faux hawk which is fucking raaaad. every single person at work, at home, everywhere has said it is the perfect haircut for me and it works well. i still feel awkward in it but im getting used to it. even people i dont even know have complimented it. weird as fuck but ok with me. i will put up pictures. i swear. tonight i went to jeff's graduation party. it was his family and friends. and i think i did ok being as shy as i am with talking and all. i've been working on it for him. because i know his family and friends are everything to him and i want to be able to talk to them and be a part of that. i also started drinking (i had my sis take me no worries on drunk driving) annnd it was kinda fun. not what i expected (never been drunk before). well i wasn't drunk. kinda in between tipsy and drunk. it didn't take much to screw me up though. anyway.. not something i'd do on a regular basis but it was kinda interesting. now i just miss jeff and i need to get to bed. fuck work. gr. later biatches. |
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3 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 04:20pm 05/07/2006 |
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mood:  chipper
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I'm so happy, I'm finally back on my laptop. It came back a week earlier than expected! They fixed its overheating problem, gave me a whole new top case (new keyboard, buttons etc) cuz they sucked and replaced the hard drive. i lost all my pictures and music but most of the pics i have on photobucket anyway so it's ok. plus this thing is so much nicer all fixed now. and it was all on warranty so it was free :D now im downloading paint shop pro and AIM and limewire.. gotta get this thing all fixed up now. i can finally start using my new camera. i mean i already could but i couldn't put them on the computer or edit them, etc. last night was so fun. i had to work til 6 but that was fine, then i got ready and jeff and his cousin picked me up and we were going to go to tempe town lake but it was already 8 so we went to fort mcdowell which still turned out so amazing. we had planned on parking down on this dirt road, where we ran into some cows haha, but eventually we started driving towards the casino and all the sudden the fireworks starting going off right over our heads. it was HUGE and it was just the best thing ever because since i was a kid i've always wanted to go see fireworks but my family is lame and nobody would take me and i always had to watch little tiny dots from my roof or watch them on TV. so it was kind of a big deal for me and it was great. i got tons of pictures and video and stuff so ill have to post that when jeff comes over. i also got a new little kitten, but i ended up giving it to my sister's boyfriend because he wanted a cat. it was fun taking care of him for awhile though! my hours are going back up at work which is great, im going to be making more money again.. what else.. im nervous about college! ah. i can't stop thinking about it. and i feel so guilty my brother has to ride the bus. so even if i have to get up at 7am every morning im going to try to take him to school. i hate getting up early but i also remember how much i used to hate the bus so yeah. anyways im rambling now and i should be getting ready so jeff can come over. his mom got him this 1000$ camera.. its one of those manual-but-digital ones with the big ol lenses. and we're doing so photography today.. he's pretty good at taking pictures.. and im pretty good at editing on paintshop so it oughtta be pretty fun. anywaysss. see ya wouldn't wanna be ya. |
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1 Broken hip -Wanna dance?? |
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| 06:25pm 28/06/2006 |
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why heeeelllooooooo. i hate work. i really do. but i love money. oh the irony. it's ok i guess.. but eh i don't know. i want more of a challenge. it's a pretty brainless job. but i guess ill get my challenge when i start at ASU. im going in for advisement in the next week or so. im nervous as shit but i have to do this. im excited to start my life. i am finally getting off gayass cricket and switching to alltel. im getting unlimited texting/pics/vid/instant messages. the best part of it all is it's only going to cost me about 35-40$ a month. mwuahah. and i bought the Razr phone. so im pretty excited and stuff. my laptop got sent in for repair today so yeah it's supposed to be done in a week. i've been seeing jeff at least every other day, but lately it's been every day. it's super duper. yeah i said it. i fuckingfreakingfricken love him to death. sooo wut that's about it. life's "good" if i can say that without jinxing it. hahah i just read that letter i sent lauren a long time ago.. im so funny. and awesome. and it's all so true. and it made me realize i haven't thought about her since school ended. i love it. anyway im out. later. |
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2 Broken hips -Wanna dance?? |
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| 10:47pm 18/06/2006 |
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i am so goddamn lazy. why do i never update!? let's see.. nothing REALLY interesting has taken place. i've had to work at 6am the past two days.. it was lame but im raking in pretty good money now that i get over 25 hours a week. i've been seeing jeff alot too and that's pretty damn great. my dad's birthday and father's day were both fun.. i got him the best presents. my sister got him naked men playing cards. good times. im really excited i think we're getting a kitten for my mom for her birthday.. i love kittens so much. im excited! i've been swimming a ton lately.. im tan and the pool is just awesome. i can't wait to go to the library so i can just lay out and read. but anyway. i actually have no idea why im updating... nothing interesting.. so um I MISS YOU COURTNEY. HAPPY GRADUATION. you da best. |
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1 Broken hip -Wanna dance?? |
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| 08:49pm 11/06/2006 |
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mood: good
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swimming is good. making money is good. work is good. new clothes are good. talking to leeann is good. lasertag with james is good. jeff+jesse is good. cheesecake is good. reading is good. sleeping is good. the breakfast club is good. banjo kazooie is good. working out is good. flat tummies are good. im good. life is good. |
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1 Broken hip -Wanna dance?? |
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| 11:46pm 09/06/2006 |
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wow i never update anymore. whats new... ummm nothing. ive been working almost every single day. but its okay, the people there are being much nicer to me and me and leeann aren't the new kids anymore, there's two new courtesy clerks. im going to ASU orientation this month. umm i baked a cake from scratch tonight. pretty excited about that. our pools finished.. it's gorgeous.. and it has rainbow lights. its just badass. me and jeff we're good again.. it's a long story but yeah. i knew we would be.. it's hard to explain. i just love him, i always will, and he has been changing lately.. BLAH. my computer DOES have a warranty so we're sending it in.. hopefully they just send me a whole new one cuz mine sucks dick. anyways yeah. see ya. |
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